it in this current state of mind but I am as depressed as your tiny eyes do find. I'm resting my aching soul in the corner of my heart as the walls begin to glow.
I don't know why I am disheartened so much at the moment. I just want to reset my life. Re-do everything I've ever done. Start fresh to where I can remake all my choices and be a better person today then I was yesterday. I feel so bad about things. I'm not a good son by any means. I hardly have a steady relationship with my father I feel like I always let everyone down and I make promises I don't know if I can keep or not. I want to go out and party and drink and chill out with people but I know Hannah doesn't like it. I got pulled over by the cops on Saturday and now I have a ticket. I have almost no money in the bank. I still owe my dad for 2 months of car insurance, I owe Waubonsee 700+ for last Semester and I can't even check my grades to see if I passed or not. I owe the credit card company 200+ for my card. Which isn't over drawn it's just dead weight I am carrying with me. My mother hasn't payed her half of the cell bill and I think it's been over a month... My life is just in shambles at the moment and if I continue the way I am I'll probably wreck the rest of my life for good.
Some part of me just tells itself I can get out okay I just need to set some rules but the other part of me just indulges whenever and wherever. I constantly give in to myself and those around me and if I don't I feel like I'm shunned. This isn't the life I want to live I want to be happy and care free but I know that isn't how life works.
Sorry I just needed to vent I guess... I need Friday to get here so I can take a look and see where I am at money wise. Maybe I should just get a loan from the bank pay everything off then just pay the bank back? Sounds Hella good to me... would you do it?
To all of those who are reading this. Please keep this between you and me for now. Those who are close to me have enough on their plate as it is and I don't really want any more pressure from them in my life at the moment. I feel as though I may pop from everything going on around me.
On a happier thought. I won $180 dollars worth of equipment from a company called Razer. They make computer peripherals for gamers. it's funny cause the only things I got were a mouse and mousepad... so yeah $130 bucks for a mouse sounds pretty damn good to me.
I can't explain
Now I need to write this resume for my job. I want to get this promotion. It won't change my wage but it's on the road to being that way.
Maybe I'll survive the month somehow. I sure as hell hope so. Also, Joe the headlights work just fine. The only issue is that the Lenses on them aren't as perfect as the factory made ones so I'll have to get some glue from Nissan and pop my old ones off and switch them to the new ones. other then that the Halo's work perfect. here's a pic just to gloat!
I love all of those around me in more ways than I can think. To say I only have love for one person would be wrong because I just can't do that. Everyone is special to me in one way or another, (except for my sister). I don't really know where I am going with this post anymore so I'm going to head out...
Before I go just one more final word if you don't mind.
Microsoft Office 2010 Beta, try it, it rocks.
